Angels Are Losing Sleep
by woodnotes
Summary: Sam is locked up by Dean and Bobby, and gets a surprise visitor in the form of his guardian angel. Can she send him back on his right path? AU, SPN season 4.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural or the characters, they belong to the genius that is Kripke. This was written purely for fun. This contains spoilers for season 4 (the final episodes), so if you don't want to be spoiled, don't read on. The story title is the name of a song by the amazing band Our Lady Peace, and I have absolutely no claim to the song.

**A/N:** Just finished watching season 4 of Supernatural, and I must say, can't wait for season 5 to start up. I'm so happy they finally killed Ruby, I really, really hated her. But I have to say, I didn't like evil Sam all that much, sorry to say. So, this is my attempt at setting him straight. When he's in his darkest place before he starts hallucinating, locked up by Bobby and Dean, he gets a surprise visitor in the form of his guardian angel. Will she succeed in getting him back to the good side? AU, one-shot.

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**Angels Are Losing Sleep**

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Sam didn't understand. How could they do this to him? Dean, his brother? And Bobby, who was about the closest thing to a father he had? They had locked him up in Bobby's panic room after they had found out he had been drinking demon blood, and practically left him there to rot. Sam had tried to get Dean to understand why he had done what he had done. It was about killing Lilith, and it always had been.

"_Do you think I've been drinking the demon blood for kicks?!", _he had shouted at Dean.

But it had been no use, Dean had just left him behind. Sam was starting to feel the effects now, he hadn't been drinking demon blood in a while now and it was taking its toll on him. He was getting weaker by the minute, he could feel it. He needed to get out of there as fast as possible, and find Ruby. She was the only one who could help him now. Sam sighed and buried his face in his hands, and slightly rubbed his tired eyes with his knuckles. But when he stopped and looked up, something was different. This sudden feeling of inner peace came over him, and he had no idea where it originated. This wasn't the feeling he was supposed to have, given the surcumstances.

He turned his head to the left, only to be met by a pair of beautiful, green eyes. A young woman was suddenly sitting next to him on the bed, a slight smile playing on her lips. It was a kind smile, and Sam immediately trusted her, even though she hadn't spoken and he had no idea who she was. She had long and wavy blonde hair, reaching about half her back. She wore only a white and flowy satin dress reaching just below her knees. She wore no shoes, instead she was barefeet. The woman was beautiful, he noticed, perfect without a single scratch. She was surrounded by this slight glow, a glow that he was almost not able to see, but it was there. He quickly noticed that it was her skin that was glowing, painfully beautiful.

"Hello Samuel." She spoke with such serenity and melody in her voice that he was slightly taken back. He blinked a couple of times, trying to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

The woman smiled. "No, you aren't hallucinating. I'm very much real."

Sam shook his head in confusion. "Who are you and why are you here?" He already had an idea who she might be, the fact that she had been able to appear in the room spoke against her being a ghost or a demon, and the way she looked and filled him with a feeling of peace, he was almost one hundred percent sure that she was an angel. But why had she come to him?

She just smiled again. "I think you already know. Or at least, you have a faint idea."

"You're an angel."

"Not just any angel, Sam. I'm your guardian angel. Nice to finally meet you, officially that is."

Sam could feel his jaw drop. Were the stories about guardian angels in fact true? The angels he already had met had seemed so cold, and not at all like the angels he had imagined. This one however, was more according to what he originally had imagined them to be like. The confusion and surprise quickly turned to anger. If he had had a guardian angel, where the hell had she been all these years? Every single time he would have needed her help? Why hadn't she come? When the yellow-eyed demon poured its blood into his mouth as a baby? When he was in that car accident with his brother and father? All the times he had almost died, and even worse, died?

"I can feel your anger Sam, so why don't you just get it out of your system?", she said and gave him an encouraging smile.

"All those times I would have needed help, where the hell were you?", he yelled.

"It's not that simple."

"How is it not that simple? I thought guardian angels were supposed to help in the hour of need!"

"After dealing with angels, haven't you already learned that nothing is what you've imagined? I haven't been allowed to interfere, not without orders. Once we're finished here, I'm probably getting punished for talking to you. Our charges aren't supposed to know of our existence."

"You guys really are dicks."

"Not all of us Sam."

She sighed and looked down. "The day you were born, I was assigned to you. I've been walking on your side your entire life so far, and I've watched everything. I've heard all of your prayers and felt your every emotion. All the pain, all the suffering. Don't you think it's been difficult for me to see what's happened and not having been able to do anything about it?"

"But why are you here now? Even if they're going to punish you?"

She gave him a sad smile, which was weird since he had had the impression angels couldn't feel emotions. She seemed to have read his thoughts. "You're right Sam, normally angels have no emotions. It's a way for the guys upstairs to keep us in order. Guardian angels are different though. Sam, I know you probably better than you do yourself. Every time you have been in pain, I have felt the exact same pain. When you've been happy, I've been equally happy. I'm a part of you, no matter whether you like it or not."

She paused before continuing. "And for the last few months, I've been walking by your side, and I have been screaming without being heard, not by you, not by anyone. And I can't watch this anymore."

"Watch what?", Sam asked.

"What you've been doing to yourself. The demon blood, Sam. This isn't who you are supposed to be. The blood is changing you, and I know you can feel it. It's evil, and it's crawling inside your veins. If you don't stop now, there will be no turning back."

"But I have to! I have to kill Lilith! If I have to sacrifice myself for that, don't you think it's worth it?"

"Nothing, and I mean nothing, is worth that sacrifice. I'm here to give you a warning. I might not be in contact with the other angels much, but I can still hear them, talking. There's a plan, Sam. And things are not what they seem to be."

"Can you stop being so cryptic, please?"

"I can't, they'd..." She suddenly flinched, and got an expression on fear on her perfect face. Then she whispered. "They're coming for me."

"Who?"

"I think you know. Listen, there isn't much time. You can stop this, but you'll have to listen to what your heart tells you, not your head and not anyone else. And if you won't do this for yourself or your brother or Bobby, do it for me. If you turn into what you are slowly coming to be, it'll kill me, literally. If you become a monster, one of the things you have been hunting all this time, one of the things you detest most..."

She had no time to finish before there was a rumbling sound and his guardian angel screamed in fear and agony. She flew up into the air and disappeared within a bright light. Sam knew she had been dragged back to heaven, to get her punishment for talking to him. The feeling of peace she had given his was gone, and he suddenly felt like a small piece of him was missing. It must have been because she wasn't by his side at the moment. He hoped for her sake that she would be okay, and that they wouldn't kill her. Hopefully just give her a beating or something like that.

Sam had no idea what to believe anymore. If his guardian angel was telling him to stop, maybe he should? But he couldn't, no. He had to kill Lilith. That was what his heart was telling him, or at least, so he told himself. Besides, nobody called him a monster. Not even his guardian angel.

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End file.
